I’ve been putting this post off for a while now. Well, that’s not entirely correct, but it’s honestly long overdue.
I knew I’d want to write this about a year ago, and well, this is it.
My parents died years ago. I suck at dates, so I put them in my calendar. Let me look them up, they are 14th September 2004 for my dad, and there is a blog post http://blog.cone.be/2004/09/14/344/ And 25th July 2008 for my mom, with http://blog.cone.be/2008/07/26/deceased/ on here.
That’s been 11 years and 7 years. And for all this time, I’ve had calendar events to remind me in summer. And that simply sucks.
Each summer, there’s two days where I am reminded of these shitty days. I remember my parents plenty, when I see my oldest kid who looks like my dad, when people tell me he looks like my dad. When people tell me the youngest probably has my mothers eyes. I’m not sure. Probably because I can’t remember them, it’s been more than 7 years since I saw her. Each time I look at my life, compare it to others and realize that having grandparents would be a hell of a lot easier on several levels. And then there’s the bloody christian tradition days. Society smacks me with the obligation to do the whole flowers thing. On that and only that day. There is no getting around that they’re dead.
I live in their damned house, for fucks sake.
It’s also silly to remember their death days. This only came to me last year. Took me bloody 10 years to find that out. There is no sense in remembering the bad times & this specific date is a very special kind of bad times. The worst day of their lives, probably. Birthdays make more sense. Wedding dates, whatever. If one would need an extra day, that is.
It’s time to remove those horrible calendar notes from my life.
I also realized that this insight is a fresh step in the process. A new phase, what have you. Very human to work with phases & stuff, well, this is the end of one of mine. And this is the blog post to do that with. I haven’t been blogging much this last year, and there’s a retrospective coming up, but this is one piece of process that does get an immediate post.
So it’s time to close off part of my life.
bye bye annoying calendar shit, bye bye useless reminders of bad days, time to get on with it. There’s reminders all around.